Rhoads' Birthday Challenge 2007!!!

The Art of Suffering…..Birthday Challenge 2007.

I awoke to the pinging alarm of my cell phone at 5:15am, Sunday February 18^th, today was the day of reckoning. I would be turning 25 years on Monday and I planned to repay for my sins until the clock struck at least midnight. Ben Fellenz stopped by at 5:30am to load my gear and take me 10 minutes down the road to Elver Park for phase one of “Going Big in Wisconsin.” Pete Turney showed up a few minutes later video camera in hand to record the days events. Piling the skiis, bikes, water bottles and food in to the truck we headed into the void. I was wearing my costume for the day “North Woods Style” sporting jeans and a flannel shirt.

Elver was pitch black when we arrived and we were of course to first to arrive for a day of cross-country skiing. The temp was a balmy 8 degrees. I had planned out a loop that seemed to me to be about a mile around, I would ski this loop 25 times. I had planned six hours for this phase including transition to the bike. It was dead dark as I set off to get warmed up, off in the distance a snowmobile could be heard grooming the trails for the busy Sunday. This was good, at least I wouldn’t be ice-skating on hard packed snow the whole time, luck seemed to be on my side.

Fellenz and I started off. I felt good but not too good as I considered what lay ahead of me. A few laps later Jesse Bond showed up to give some support and do a few laps of his own. Without the help of these two men I would never have been able to finish the challenge. It was smooth skiing for the first three hours, I had my Mp3 players slammin’ tunes and my technique was clean. I would take a few laps, drink some Accelerade and coffee and repeat the process over and over. My Dad also showed up in support. Here was the man who should be saying, “You’re a fucking idiot for even trying this” but knew me well enough to know this challenge was completely necessary.

At 10:30am I skied once more into the parking lot, raised my hands in the air saluted the camera and BAM, took a digger onto the icy snow. 25 laps down I had finished phase one. My ass felt like I’d been squatting all day, which effectively I had, pushing off one ski to the next. It took me 4.5 hours and I was glad it was over. If only that was the only part of the challenge….

We shot the shit for a while and then fessed up that we had to leave for phase two. Phase two brought us on a 25 mile bike ride on the back roads of Madison to Boulders Climbing Gym on the east side. If this was summer it would have been child’s play, 75-degree temps, the sun shinning, clean roads, none of these were to be had. As we passed by a bank I noticed the time to be 11:39am, the temperature 16 degrees.

Skiing had taken its tole, my legs burned on the uphills, the hamstrings felt like they wanted to snap, this was hell frozen over. The route brought us south of town and then through Monona around the lake to the east burbs where we were greeted by open plain and fierce winds. I was in rough shape, eating was going slowly and I felt nauseatingly light headed. (At one point I yelled at Fellenz and Bond to move over for a phantom car.) I felt the same when we pulled into the gym parking lot at 1:15pm. 7.25 hours into the challenge and the worst seemed to be over. Special thanks to Ben and Jesse for sticking with me on the bike and pushing the pace.

I had 45 minutes to rest up for phase three. I would be climbing 25 lead routes in the gym repeats if necessary. I staggered into the shower and basked in the hot water for what seemed like a lifetime. I HAD to get my energy back or this would prove to be very difficult.

Finally I re-emerged from the shower slid back on my nasty jeans and flannel shirt, downed a cup of coffee and a bagel and then hit the ropes. One, two, three, four, five, Jason Huston belayed me on my warm up laps and the routes went down like chocolate. Thankfully our gym is only 30 feet tall and there is a large amount of easy routes to breeze through.

We set Pete up on a ladder to catch some sweet shots of climbing action. Six, seven, eight, nine, ten, barely an hour had gone by and almost half of the routes were out of the way. I took a rest, grabbed some pizza and chatted with friends whose main comment was “Holy Shit!”

Eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, Vince Evans held the rope this time and I was starting to fade. I had exhausted all the really easy routes and had now turned to the more overhanging obstacles. My shoulders ached from the skiing already and my Friday night bouldering session was still fresh in my muscle memory. I was ticking off the routes fast though and I was sure I could get through but the faster I did them the more time I would have to rest before phase four.

Sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, I only got four in this session I needed more rest.

Twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two, uggggg…..the fatigue was creeping in. On twenty-two I screamed out on every move “Ahhhhh!” Somehow I held on.

I picked out my last three climbs. Number twenty-three would be a nice straight vertical crimpy 5.10c followed by an easier ten and then to top it off a simple 5.9. The 10c was dubbed the “send of the day” by B-Day challenge vet Patrick Neuman. I was three clips up confused on my next move, my brain was locked from fatigue. The next hold looked to far to reach, if I went for it I would loose my feet and the hold didn’t look that big to hold onto with tired hands and all my body weight. With very little time before my fore arms gave out I committed, reached and crept up on the hold stretching my limbs to the limit. SNATCH! I nailed the hold and powered to the top. Twenty-four, twenty-five, I finished phase three with 1.5 hours to spare and I would need it. No repeats were necessary!

Phase four is what we climbers call the “crux.” This was the defining leg of the birthday challenge, the part that made people call me “insane” and proclaim, “This is not a good idea.” 25 miles of running with 12.5 shots of the “kickin’ chicken,” my power animal, Wild Turkey Kentucky Bourbon. Such a feat had been completed before, in 2004 Todd Mei completed 32 miles of running with 16 drinks, it took ten hours. Starting at 6pm, I had a max, with the 2am bar time, of 8 hours to complete the crux.

Ian Lewis was brave enough to join me on the run, his previous run being a 40 miler to Devil’s lake around a year ago and not a mile since. Huston agreed to flank us on the bike with Pete following in a car and Antonio also following in a car to make sure we had a ride to the hospital if need be.

I took my half shot of W.T. at the gym and then we headed off into the night. It had been exactly 12 hours since the start of the challenge.

The first stop was a classic bootleg run stop, The Glass Nickle Pizza where, over hearing our conversation, I was asked if I know Tim Lindl. “Why yes I do" I replied.

“Do you do this on every birthday?” she asked.

“Yep, on someone’s birthday anyway” I replied.

“I’ve heard of you.” She shot back. I felt so proud only to find out later she mistaken
me for another B-Day challenge and ultra running vet, Nate Emerson. Nonetheless Birthday Challenge has a lot of history in Wisconsin and I was proud to be part of it.

The crux of running around Lake Monona looking for bars on a Sunday night turned out to be that Monona residents didn’t seemed to be as enthusiastic about drinking everyday of the week like their down town counter parts. Hammer Time, CLOSED, Silver Eagle, CLOSED, South Bay Lounge CLOSED. Good thing we had brought a reserve of W.T., with shots in each of the respective parking lots we were 4.5 shots down and well on our way. Something about grown men taking shots in the parking lot of closed bars on a Sunday night makes me chuckle.

Finally, a warm spot was found at the Coliseum Bar where Ian explained our predicament with the utmost enthusiasm to the bartender. The temp had dropped to around 10 degrees outside and it was nice to soak up a bit of heat. The closed bars had me worried, would the Blue Moon be open, our farthest west destination? We decided to call Neuman and have him meet us with extra booze. We amended the route for bars more likely to be open and decided on Bucks down off Regent Street for the next stop. In between my wheels fell off.

Halfway to Bucks my legs stopped working, they were stiff with rage and I bonked.
Huston whipped out a frozen Snickers which I wolfed, and we took a few blocks to walk. I regained some energy and was able to get up to a running pace for a few blocks to Bucks.

At Bucks, Ian explained our predicament to a bewildered bartender who then poured the fattest shot of W.T. I’d ever seen. Dave Erickson was there to greet us and add some fresh blood to the running. We needed it. Ian’s girlfriend also showed up with car support. It was decided we needed more nourishment so we hightailed down the block to Taco Johns, which was actually our second Taco Johns stop of the night having sucked down a burrito in between parking lot shots over in Monona. Neuman simultaneously showed up with more Snicker bars and reserve booze.

We ran down Regent Street again to the Big Ten, CLOSED. We then ran further to Luckys, which was closing up and wouldn’t serve us but allowed us to take a shot of our own booze. The quote of the night goes to Dave who proclaimed “What’s wrong with kids these days? Back when I was young the bars were open ALL the time!” Yes, the world was going soft.

It was decided to skip the Blue Moon due to the fact that it was probably closed so we headed right to the heart of drinking and ran over to State Street Brats. I had my running

legs back and Dave and I took an awesome pace all the way. At Brats we got more shots served in cheap plastic shot glasses, (typical) and when I went to take it half spilled all over my face. Shit, here I was drunken with whiskey all over my face burning my eyes, this was a birthday challenge to remember. At this point I was getting a bit gloom and doom but Ian was cheery claiming “We are going to do it!” good thing I listened to him, at the time I was thinking of throwing in the towel.

We walked up State Street to Paul’s Club where I was rejuvenated with a Jaeger bomb, thanks Dave! With the added juice I was ready to go, we crossed the square over to Nat Spill and saddled up to tall shots of Jameson Whiskey. A little less harsh than the W.T. I was glad for a change. That was shot 10.5 the worst was over we just had to get back to the gym.

Along the way we stopped at The Weary Traveler, which was hopping for a Sunday night for another tall shot of W.T. Ugggg…it had to have been a double. I sipped instead of slammed. Shot 11.5. One more to go.

Mr. Roberts on Atwood Ave was blasting live music as we walked in and Dave treated me to another Yeager bomb for good measure. That was 12.5, the shots were done. Thank God. Dave, Ian, Huston and I traveled down the bike path in a drunken triumphant victory, just a few more miles. I sandbagged Huston on the bike by running the last mile on the snow covered train tracks, which proved difficult for biking, couldn’t let him get off too easy.

We sauntered up to the gym one big tired mess, Ian brought out the flask and we finished what small amount of W.T. was left. I was thrashed, knees stiff, head pounding I propped up in Huston’s car for the ride home. The time was 12:26am, February 19^th I was 25 years old.

Epilogue:

I would like to thank all those who helped push this Birthday Challenge through. Ben, Bond, and Pete for waking up stupid early, my dad for stopping by to check up on me, Andrea for the coffee and bagel, Vince and Huston for the belays, Ian and Dave for having the gumption to run, Antonio and Ian’s girlfriend for the car support, Neuman for the Snickers bars and booze, Riley my fiancé for putting up with this insanity, all those who said I couldn’t do it for making me prove I could, all those who said “Good Job” at the gym and out at the bars. Also, and although I’ve never met him, Steve Edwards at www.birthdaychallenge.com is the man. I owe you all beers!

The next day I gmaped the route to find I only did ~18miles on the run. I’m fine with this, I was ready to be done when we finally finished, besides if I would have done the whole thing, it would have been too easy.

I also can’t wait to see the video that Pete will be putting together; perhaps we will have a premier at the gym in the near future.

I would like to finish with a philosophical paragraph on the meaning of Birthday Challenge and life. The point, to me anyway, was just this simple; To challenge myself. To many times in this day and age we all take the easy way out, I’m guilty myself. We drive when we could have walked, we take the elevator instead of the stairs, we email when we should stop by. Birthday Challenge is a way to bring back a little difficulty into our easy lives, even if it is for only one day a year. Besides that, it is a great way to find out how fucking far you can take it until you crack, without testing your limits you will never know them.

For your very own Birthday Challenge check out www.birthdaychallenge.com and for my very own special brand of bullshit check out www.intensitynewsletter.com

Love,

Nick Rhoads!!!!!!!!!!